I can’t honestly tell you why I’m doing this. Not why I’m deworming myself, but why I’m writing a daily blog post about it. In what universe could anyone other than me conceivably want to know about my parasite cleanse?
Well, because you may have parasites too. A-ha! Indeed, it’s very likely you do.
I read somewhere that 90% of us have unwelcome creatures of some sort living within us, invaders that lodge in various parts of the body and not only consume nutrients from our food to stay alive, but lay eggs and breed, causing a variety of mysterious ailments, such as rashes, headaches, allergies, boils, etc etc.
How can we contract them? From our pets; from eating sushi, meat, and raw vegetables; from traveling; or simply from everyday human contact. Parasites – and I’m including a candida overgrowth in this – can give rise to unaccountable health issues that doctors don’t know how to treat.
So, in my capacity as a curious layman and ceaseless guinea-pig, I’ve decided, for the next thirty days, to flush away the wee rascals from wherever they’re hiding.
After all, look at my life so far. I’ve traveled extensively, eating countless weird foods along the way in the most unsanitary conditions, in places such as Cambodia, Kenya, Russia, Brazil, Vanuatu, etc. I’ve also been a raw food guy for years, and even regularly kissed and cuddled my cats. I’m the perfect candidate for parasites.
Last year, I was doing a liver flush – my fourth or fifth – and a five-inch white worm dropped into the toilet. I almost freaked out. It was the weirdest thing! It’s this that alerted me to the possibility that I may have other unwanted guests in my system, an idea confirmed by an odd rash on my neck that never goes away, by a constant ringing in my ears, and varying degrees of deafness (which can definitely be a by-product of candida), plus I have food sensibilities that are just plain ridiculous. I get pimples if I so much as look at milk, pig products, sugar, and oil, while nuts and wheat actually make my skin flake off like dandruff. It’s crazy.
Nobody could have been more diligent in pursuing a remedy. I’ve consulted dermatologists, regular doctors, Eastern healers, colonic irrigation experts, aromatherapists, reiki practitioners, and countless others. Everyone had theories, but none was ever able to pinpoint the cause of the problem. Then I read a really great blog about the subject which I recommend (the picture below comes from there) about successfully treating parasites and I was inspired to give it a go.
In some ways this is my list-ditch effort to get to the source of the problem. It’s almost as if it can only be parasites. What else is there left to try? Curious to see if my suspicions were right, I heard from a friend about this treatment called Humaworm, and sent off for a 30-day supply. The directions say to take two tablets twice a day 30 minutes before meals, so that the parasites eat the contents of the tablets, and not the food. Then they begin to die.
Once again, therefore, I submit myself as a human crash-test dummy.
I’ve been doing this – detoxing and reforming my diet and approach to life since my trip to the health and healing center in Brazil. You’ve probably already read my book about this. If not, obviously I recommend it. It will open your eyes in so many ways, as it did me. Life will never be the same again. It’s funny to me that many people see the hands on the front of the Believing book and assume it must be a religious work. Trust me, it’s not. It has a foreword by a Harvard doctor and explores the world of health and healing from a self-empowerment point of view, where we become our own saviors and bring our bodies back into balance.
That’s why I’m de-worming. I’m not an expert, remember, just a regular guy who’d like to shed a few parasites, if he has them. With that end in mind – and there’s really only one end they’re going to come out of – my 30-day experience begins here.
The 30-day De-Worming Program
Day 1: Not expecting much. The two tablets smelled very strong, and shortly after swallowing them I let out a belch that I could taste for at least fifteen minutes afterwards. Had three extensive bowel movements during the day, including an urgent one in the middle of the night. Otherwise, nothing to report.
Day 2: Noticeably lethargic today. Listless too. Could still be the jetlag from my vacation, or the beginnings of parasite die-off. According to the Humaworm site: “Die-off can take many forms: headaches, body aches, rashes, fatigue, mood swings, body odor, and gas and bloating to name a few. Drinking at least two quarts or more of water daily and having regular bowel movements will help get the parasites and toxins out of the body faster thereby eliminating many common die-off symptoms.”
The rash on my neck is redder, and I woke up with a pain in my neck too, which is interesting. Plus, I had shifting aches in my abdomen, sometimes acute, that reached up to my liver. Additionally, my stomach feels bloated. I’m not psychic, but I do foresee another bowel movement in my immediate future.
Day 3: No worms, but woke with a headache that dissipated very quickly. More pains in stomach too, and a general wooziness. My left ear is really whistling. That’s not a good sign usually. Though today, maybe it is. All part of the die-off, I assume. Have to go to the cinema this afternoon to watch a movie for the BBC. Hope I can last 90 minutes without an explosive disaster ‘downstairs’. I notice in the list of ingredients that there’s a laxative, senna. Oh great. That explains it.
Day 4: No worms, but still getting shifting aches all over my body. This morning my fingers hurt for some reason. Taking Humaworm leads to several hefty bowel movements a day, which has got to be a good thing. I think I’m maybe expecting too much too soon. The one interesting side-effect – if indeed it comes from taking the tablets – is that they seem to make me extremely horny. I won’t go into details, but it’s very, very noticeable. Strange.
Day 5: Things with tails. That’s what I saw yesterday.
To help the process along, I did a coffee enema, which is more fun than it sounds. And in the second flushing there were a number of small stringy things in the toilet afterwards. Now, I thought, “They’re just bits of undigested lettuce or something”, and that may be so, but they looked suspiciously like worm casings to me.
All sorts of weird pains throughout my body that come and go. And I just collapse with tiredness around 9pm and sleep til 6.30. Odd zits here and there too. Part of the die-off or part of the original problem? As yet, I have no bloomin’ idea.
Day 6: Nothing today, except maybe disappointment. Feeling a lot better. It even looks like the rash on my neck is slowly starting to clear up. However, that comes and goes anyway, so I’ll have to wait a while to give a definitive verdict. Bit disconcerted by the fact that my fingers are aching still. Not sure why that is. But otherwise, still waiting for a big break-through.
Day 7: My little worm friends are back. But they’re different this time. Three semi-transparent coils that at first I thought were hairs in the toilet bowl, but which sat lazily under the surface of the water as if in shock at being dropped suddenly and without warning from a warm, closed environment into a cold, hostile environment.
In blogs about de-worming, the parasites that are shown as most common tend to look like a bear’s footprint or long and brown. I’ve seen nothing like that. These were slender and quite hard to see, and very different to anything that’s dropped out of my system before.
Last night, we went to dinner at a friend’s house. I tried to talk about my deworming program. It’s remarkable how nobody wants to discuss this topic, particularly while eating.
Today I woke up with an achey stomach – food poisoning type achey (which is possible) – and a yearning to poo. A yearning I am about to satisfy. I ache in other ways too. Yesterday there were times when I felt like my body had been stored in a tight box for three days and just emerged, stiffly and painfully. Today….it’s not so bad, but my intestines are gurgling fitfully, so that’s a sign of something. Thank you, Humaworm, for contributing to life’s eternal conundrum in this way.
Day 8: The rash on my neck has almost gone!!! That’s the big news. A-ha! Thank you again, Humaworm.
Otherwise, theme of the day: weirdness. My esophagus overnight was so swollen that I could hardly swallow. It was like I had a huge blockage halfway down. It’s better today, but I sound like I have a major cold coming on. Very husky. Which doesn’t bode well for the broadcast tomorrow.
The website Livestrong.com lists common cold symptoms as among the results of the die-off. “Since increasing the flow of mucus is one way the body tries to rid itself of contaminants,” it says, “you may experience respiratory symptoms like those of the common cold–sneezing, coughing and a stuffy or runny nose. These are the body’s attempts to get rid of the dying parasites and their toxins, which it may perceive as invaders.”
Well bingo to that. So I guess the little blighters are pouring out of every orifice all the time.
BTW, no worms evident in the toilet this morning. I get very disappointed now when that happens. But maybe they’re mixed in with the general dump rather than floating freely. I know that some of the stools had strange little tails hanging off them. And, dead-center, was a white blob about a quarter-inch across which just lay there and could have been anything. Normally, however, I never get stuff like this, so something’s working.
Beyond that, it’s a mysterious process. I know some cleansing people like to take out their poo and dissect it, looking for worms. I am not one of those people. I have 22 days left on the Humaworm cleanse – I’ll trust it’s doing its work.
Jeez, I hope this sore throat disappears by tomorrow. Out, damn worms, out!
Day 9: Cold symptoms continue to linger, but the worst appears to be over. My nose won’t stop running, but I feel fine otherwise. Once I’d accepted that it was my body detoxing, meaning it was a good thing, it became easier to bear somehow. I’m going to sound ropey on the radio tonight, but that can’t be helped. The show must go on.
Bit of a zit issue today, I notice – on my face and with little bumps like flea-bites on my fingers. Also my ears really itch.
And when I did my first poo of the day, I noticed more of those strange little tails, like ant-legs, sticking out of my stools. I don’t want to give you nightmares, people, but my turds have antennae! This whole regimen piles mystery upon conundrum. Was I really that infested with parasites? It’s hard to believe.
I wish my nose would quit running. This is getting annoying. I’ve run out of handkerchiefs and now I’m using kitchen towels.
Hope to be well for Saturday. Going to do yoga in Malibu. The woman whose home we’re doing it in tells me she’s been getting worms out for a couple of years, and that they’re 12-15″ in length, white and very thin. She’s fished them out of the toilet and taken them to show her doctor but he has no clue why she keeps getting them.
You have to admit, this is a fascinating subject. Gross, but fascinating.
Day 10: Felt rough first thing, but am slowly improving as the day revs up. Cold symptoms persist. My nose is running like a faucet still. There isn’t a clean handkerchief anywhere in the house. Clearly, my entire body was toxic with parasites, though how this can be I have no idea, given than I have been cleansing pretty consistently for five years. Am entering a depressed, ‘nothing’s working and I’ve wasted my money – again‘ phase. Maybe I didn’t have parasites at all, just regular stuff that everyone else has and I simply caught a cold. My powers of self-delusion are well-documented in the health field.
Nose stopped running after breakfast and didn’t run for the rest of the day. Like the faucet was suddenly turned off.
I have multiple zits on my face, but in one small area. They keep on coming. Unpleasant to look at.
Have decided to do coffee enemas every three days to help the process along. If I don’t get some serious worm action soon, I’m going to write to Humaworm and tell them. Oh, and by the way, the name’s appropriate. You really need a sense of huma to do this, otherwise you’d throw yourself off a bridge.
Day 11: Big thing happened today.
Woke up feeling really, really rough. Sluggish, with a head full of sawdust, and a terrible ache behind my eyes. Found it hard to get out of bed. Actually, the cat was sitting on me too, so doubly-hard. But this is going to be a slow start. I don’t know if I can face another 19 days of this. It’s getting in the way.
Hope to complete my new mystery novel by tomorrow. Yesterday, every word had to be dragged forcibly out of my head and onto the page. I either couldn’t settle or I couldn’t focus or I wanted to eat, or something. Always something.
However, I did my yoga practice first thing, and while I was mid-asana I had a sneezing fit. Immediately, the headache and the sluggishness went. Vanished. Now I’m fine. Oh, and the zits I kept getting on my left cheek – gone.
It’s typical to go to the toilet three times a day during a cleanse. I think Humaworm contains psyllium, which makes you, not runny exactly, but certainly prolific. Anyway, I noticed a couple of translucent threads in my bowel movement last night. I always think it’s just hairs in the bowl, but it didn’t really look like it. Was very excited that it might be more worms. So I leaped off the toilet, turned around to take a good close look – and, well, I had a little accident. Now I have to add ‘cleaning a rug’ to my list of chores today.
Day 12: Another rough one. Oh my lordy, do I feel awful today! Slept for almost 11 hours. More translucent threads in the toilet bowl, I notice, and also white blobs. These white things are candida, I think.
Decided to double down on the attack. Last year, when I got a five-inch white worm out during a liver flush, I was using a zapper at the same time. This is a little device I imported from South Africa which apparently electrocutes parasites as they sleep and breed, and it seemed to work. So I strapped that onto my arm last night and will wear it for the next few days.
According to the Orgonize Africa site: “All parasites and diseased tissues are positively charged. The zapper introduces negative ions through the skin and into the body’s living tissue, killing the parasites by reversing their polarity and also helping to heal the diseased tissue.”
So there it is. You can feel it pumping electricity through your skin all the time. The more acidic your body is, the more the electrodes tingle. Fascinating actually.
The parasites have had it pretty easy for the past few years, squatting in my system, being fed and watered, swimming each day in a heated pool. Now it’s time to evict them. They’re resisting like crazy, of course, which is why I feel so bad. Tired. Eyes watering. Headaches that come and go, and pains that shift around the body constantly. The cold symptoms vanished as quickly as they came, so that’s good, but I never feel ‘right’ or lively or upbeat, just depressed and drained. I guess August is the perfect month for this. Nothing else is happening – it’s a great time to feel horrible constantly.
18 days to go.
Day 13: Today was a big long day involving the amazing yoga session in Malibu, which was fantastic. I couldn’t afford to have a poo crisis suddenly while I was there, so as a preventative measure I had to skip my morning Humaworm tablets. This will probably have a knock-on to tomorrow as well. It was worth it, though. Worms, you have a reprieve for now.
Before I left the house, there was a long string of white foamy phlegmy something in the toilet, which may have been mucus, but could have been candida. You’d think I’d get a book, wouldn’t you, and look these creatures up? But I simply flushed it all away without checking. In any case, I’ve not seen that before.
Blew my nose a lot all day. Incredible amount of stuff still pouring out.
My friend who has the 15″ worms that come out regularly (see above) has a vast garden full of organic fruits and vegetables. She took us around, plucking fresh raspberries and strawberries and handing them to me to eat. Fantastic flavor. But she was concerned.
“I don’t understand why I keep getting these long worm things,” she said as we walked. “It’s a mystery.”
But maybe it isn’t. Insects lay their eggs on plants. If you eat stuff straight from the garden, unwashed, those eggs and whatever else are going straight into your intestines, where I guess they hatch, live, feed, and breed. That makes sense to me anyway. And it did to her too. How weird that I would be the one to think of that. It’s so obvious really. Wash your fruit, lady.
Day 14: Feeling fine. All aches gone, feelings of sluggishness gone, and no worms or other suspicious objects in the toilet bowl for once. Things are looking up, finally.
Day 15: Halfway through, and unless it has some uncharted surprises in store for me, it looks like Humaworm has done its stuff. I feel great yet again, with no obvious alien beings wriggling in my stool, so all’s well on that score too.
I do notice that I have to get up to pee between two and four times a night, which suggests that Humaworm is still active, helping flush out smaller parasites, but otherwise…..nothing to report.
Oh, one other thing – for a long time now I’ve had dark crescents lining those little crevices on either side of my nostrils. Well, those have gone too. The skin is no longer dark. Quite fascinating.
Day 16: I was expecting this cleanse to slowly build to a glorious crescendo, but it appears that after a while you simply feel better and the whole rigmarole becomes regular and comfortable. Apart from the copious poos twice a day, there’s really nothing to report. Feel good all around, which, after a horribly shaky two weeks to start with, is a massive relief. So I suppose I should feel happy, not disappointed.
Day 17: The day’s big lesson about Humaworm: if you have a long day ahead and no opportunity to go poo, don’t take de-worming tablets in the morning. How I didn’t burst today I have no idea. It’s not that anything bad was wanting to come out, but Humaworm, I believe, contains psyllium husks, and they promote colonic wellbeing. And nobody wants to be caught enjoying colonic wellbeing during a meeting.
Other than that, all’s well. Peeing and pooing inordinately, so it’s entirely possible that I’m jettisoning boatloads of parasites I can’t see. It just isn’t dramatic, and I feel great. Which is something, right?
Day 18: Oh lordy, could this be more boring? Apart from the fact that you constantly want to poo, I don’t see any difference between a person on Humaworm and one who’s not on it, that is once you break through the first-two-week barrier. Other people may be so chock full of worms and other parasites that the effects of die-off continue for weeks. Me – I’m just dandy. I’ve done liver flushes and Master Cleanses over several years, so maybe I’m relatively free compared to other folks.
The lasting effect seems to be: clearer skin. I’m not as sensitive to foods any more. That’s a major benefit. I do have one zit, though, that won’t go away. It’s in the dead center of my chin and, no matter what I do, it remains. That’s highly unusual, so I must account for it by saying, “Humaworm.” The tablets are on a covert mission. I don’t know what it is, but the pimple is the result.
Otherwise, as I say, just dandy.
Days 19 and 20: Two-thirds of the way through and feeling great. It’s possible that microscopic stuff is being jettisoned from my body and I don’t even know it, but there’s nothing obvious happening. Some people experience a relapse around this time, as though the body takes a rest to gather its forces then suddenly begins detoxing all over again, but in my case I may have been fairly detoxed to begin with, because I feel as fit as I’ve ever been.
Throughout this what-began-as-an-ordeal-then-got-better, I’ve been doing coffee enemas every three days. Normally, my partner and I, we do these twice a month, but because I wanted to empty my butt completely – it’s a technical term, don’t worry about it – I decided to give it a little help.
A coffee enema is a tremendous stimulant to the liver, increasing its performance in some cases by several hundred percent. You basically fill your small intestine with organic medium roast, following some very simple instructions, and lie on your right side for 12-15 minutes, doing so twice with two separate lots of room temperature coffee. This does wonders for your system. You feel brighter and look perkier afterwards, and the stuff that comes out can be startling.
Day 21: Well, it looks like I’m clean. For the time being, nothing disturbing is emerging. But that could mean, as I said earlier, that things are coming out still, but they’re small. Entirely possible. The side-effects have gone, though. My complexion is definitely healthier looking, and if I do get reactions to foods, they seem to vanish at ten times the speed they did before. That’s tremendously empowering.
So 9 days to go. My Humaworm packet is almost empty. I’ll continue to the end – I never give up on things – but short of a major development, I think we’re done.
Day 22: Look the other way. Please, just go. I am not worthy of your attention today. I completely forgot to take my pills.
Well, it’s understandable – nothing dramatic has happened in over a week and after a while you get sick of staring into the toilet hoping for worms and getting nothing.
The pills are supposed to be taken twelve hours apart before meals. Tonight I ate dinner and didn’t give my Humaworm a thought. Just slipped my mind. I wound up taking them after dinner instead, and now I can’t get the taste off my breath. My punishment for taking my eye off the ball for a second.
So today the parasites won. They got a reprieve. Now, let’s move on and pretend this never happened, okay?
Day 23: BIG NEWS!
Just when I’d given up hope. My landing gear was down and I was cruising toward the terminal building, and there they are – parasites. Ta-daa!
For a start, last night I could not sleep. I lay awake for hours, which I never do. I never have insomnia. Plus, I have a strange zit-like boil thing on the side of my neck, which can’t be explained away by logical means. But that’s only the beginning. I went to the loo just now, and was quite shocked.
First, there was another of those translucent floaty things, about two inches long, a worm casing maybe, floating in the water. Haven’t had one of those in two weeks. But the most interesting thing of all was what lay around the water’s edge. Normally, I put almost everything I see in the bowl down to eating a lot of salad stuff, which can show up later in any manner of odd configurations when it drops out. But this was different.
Around the edges of the water, where the water laps up against the sides of the toilet, there were five little ‘things’. Short things. barely 0.75″ long, lying half in, half out of the water, spaced around the bowl. Think about that: each one was half in, half out of the water, as though trying to escape. I have never seen anything like it. There was none in the the rest of bowl that I could see, only around the edge of the water.
Then, when I was performing a little cleaning ritual afterwards, on my hand I found a 1″ long yellowy-white hard thing. My first thought: it’s wet toilet paper scrunched up. But it didn’t look like toilet paper, it looked organic and dead.
So after 23 days, including a long vacant gap that was very depressing, something has finally shifted. Humaworm obviously keeps on toiling away, even when you’re not thinking about it. Fantastic.
Day 24: Woke up with pains in my left boobie. Those seem to have dissipated now. Keep waking up in the middle of the night with my body aching here and there.
No parasites in poop this morning. Not visibly anyway.
Day 25: Nothing noticeable in the toilet bowl today, apart from large patches of white stuff, which I think was a form of gas maybe, but not sure. I’m about to do another coffee enema, so we shall see.
However, there’s BIG news you should know about. Last night we went out to dinner at a friend’s house, which is always a difficult proposition for me, due to all the stuff I can’t eat. We didn’t know these guys well, and they didn’t know about my lifelong problem. It was just asking for trouble.
I have horrible food sensitivities. My skin reacts badly to cheese, meat, fried anything, cream, sugar…etc etc, so I almost freaked when every one of these was trotted out during the meal. In fact, it was made up 85% of these ingredients. There was nowhere for me to turn.
Normally, after a night like that, the following day I’m scared to look in the mirror. I can expect hives, rashes, even bits of skin flaking off. It’s ghastly. But today, guess what, people? My complexion is perfectly clear. Not a blip, no redness, no bubbling up, no spots. How wondeful.
So in that respect, it looks like my dear, fantastic new friend Humaworm has performed a very powerful service.
Day 26: Winding down now. Nothing to report. All aches and pains gone, nothing worth mentioning in my stools. There is a strange zit on my neck today that wasn’t there yesterday, so that’s a mystery. Otherwise, zlich.
I’m open to new developments, and even yearning for them, because I love doing this stuff personally, but we may be done.
Let’s see what happens tomorrow.
Day 27: Oh dear. Well, here’s something unusual – my Humaworm tablets have run out!
I took the last two before dinner tonight. How can that be? I even skipped taking them twice during the past month, so theoretically at least I should have enough to last 31 days, not 30. But no, it’s day 27 and they’re all gone.
I may write to the people who make them and raise this point. I’ll let you know what they say, because that’s very bizarre, isn’t it?
I’ll also write one last blog entry tomorrow, in case the parasites enjoy a resurgence and do something spectacular, like the firework display at the end of the Olympics. I’ll also offer some final thoughts on the experience, dispensing wisdom freely to anyone who’s interested and thinking of doing something similar in the coming years.
Otherwise, that pretty much sews up the experience. I confess, I’m a little disappointed that it ran out before the 30 days. I didn’t see that one coming. Bummer.
Day 28: I am Huma-less. It felt strange to wake up today and NOT take my tablets. But the packet’s empty, even though there are, technically still three days to go, including today, on my 30-day parasite cleanse.
I shot off an email yesterday to the Humaworm people, laying out the broad strokes of the situation vis a vis my shortage of tablets. They replied first thing this morning with a response that, unless I’m misinterpreting its finer nuances, indicated that they’re as confused about this as I am.
“We are very interested in your blog and discussions on radio,”a lovely woman called Barbara wrote. “I appreciate you letting us know about the shortage of capsules…I will bring this to Stephen’s attention.”
Two questions about that: 1) who is Stephen? and 2) Although I’m sure he’s lovely too and means well, how will bringing my shortage of tablets to his attention resolve anything?
A friend of mine started her Humaworm course three days ago and feels terrible, she says. Good, it’s working. She emailed me a photo of her poo with a white floaty thing in it. I’ve had several of these. They look like shreds of toilet paper, but they’re not.
I, on the other hand, am feeling fine these days. Not too different to before, but fine. A lot of unidentified alien stuff has dropped out and been flushed away these past four weeks. I can only assume I am better off without it. My skin has improved, the rash on my neck has lessened – although it changes daily – but I still have a whistling in my ears which I wish would go away.
The Hunaworm company does a cleanse for Candida too, so that’s my next one. Whistling in the ears is frequently connected to a Candida Albicans overgrowth. However, during a cleanse, you are not allowed to touch sugar, sweet stuff, or anything that turns to sugar in your body. I mean, not at all. That’s tough and a real trial, but worth it if this pesky ringing will stop.
Can’t do anything for three months, though. Must give traumatized digestive system a rest. But, come October, I’ll be gearing up for the next one. I am determined to beat these little bastards, whatever it takes.
I’ll keep you posted.