Daily Archives: June 16, 2009

Parasite killers, the skinny.

After my resounding triumph with the subject of how to make a good salad yesterday, I was going to switch back to showbiz  and mention Lily Tomlin. She appeared on Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List last night in an effort, it struck me, to maybe redeem herself. Possibly. Perhaps. Her yelling tirade on the set of I Heart Huckabees, the one that was all over the internet, must have painted her as a director’s nightmare in such a way that she might never escape it.

Even if the outburst was justified, which it seems like it might have been – David O. Russell seems like a maniac – the public perception of her at that point, as gifted and loved as she is, spiraled downwards into the pits of hell. It may not last long, but very briefly, right now, it’s what she’s known for. Basically, she was Christian Bale before we’d heard how obnoxious, lofty, and combustible he could be.

So last night, in a rather self-indulgent and boring edition of the D-List, she appeared with Kathy Griffin, performing and laughing a lot, while at the same time seeming somewhat old and sad, I thought. But of course! Who wouldn’t be? The last thing you want after a prestigious award-winning career packed with Emmys and Grammys and Oscar nominations is to have an entire generation watch you being annoying and petulant, however justifiedly, on a YouTube video and dismissing you as a hysterical tyrant.

So that’s what I was going to talk about. But my mind drifted. From general Hollywood types to parasites, since the two are often so intimately connected in the real world, and then right back onto salads again. Because I realize now that I have other information to dispense

So here we go. Salad information: day 2. Who knew this topic could be so darned interesting?

Actually, this is more of a warning to you to wash your vegetables before you eat them. Last year, I found a survey on the web that set out in detail the extraneous materials we ingest if we don’t wash our food properly, and I remember wanting to barf. As well as parasites, their eggs, and pesticide residues, this included a lot of insect legs, wings, and body parts – things undetectable by the naked eye and which disappear into the general delicious crunch of the meal as you eat it.

Not unreasonably, this had me freaked out.

According to Dr. Larry Clapp in his book Prostate Health in 90 Days (don’t ask me why I was reading that, or why Larry hasn’t taken steps to change his surname to something less hilarious), “It’s estimated that 85% to 95% of adults living in the U.S. are unwitting and unwilling hosts to one or more of the 1000+ parasite species. These parasites are physically in us, living off our food and energy…” He goes on to say that they range from tiny microscopic organisms to thirty-foot long tapeworms.

Thirty foot long!

Larry calls parasites “squatters”, who take up residence not only in the intestinal tract but all over the body, sapping our energy and feeding off our food, and sometimes causing a bunch of weird ailments. Furthermore, physicians, he says, can only trace around 30% of parasites, so your doctor  might not be much help in pinning this stuff down. Therefore, if you have a pet that ventures outside, or you eat salads in restaurants, or you travel a lot, then apparently there’s a high chance you have parasites. To which your reaction, quite justifiably, might be, “Ugh, get them out of me, get them out of me!”

Well, okay, but please don’t panic. I’m not saying your life’s in danger, I’m just saying, “Yeuw!” Which is as good a starting point as any.

Myself, I handle the parasite challenge in several different ways.

First, I wash all my salad stuff before I eat it. I get a bowl, fill it with water, and pour a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar into it. Then I dump all the vegetables in and leave them for ten minutes. I’m told that this kills parasites. Or at least it washes off any legs or eggs that are present.

Second, I have done a couple of parasite cleanses. I chatted at length with one of the knowledgeable kids in Wholefoods first, then went ahead and bought the one he recommended, which took thirty days to rampage through my body like liquid Rambo, slaughtering any worms and stuff that might have been in there.

Plus, once or twice a week, on an empty stomach about an hour before breakfast, I drink a tablespoon of bentonite clay stirred into a tall glass of water. It’s a light-gray sludge that’s unattractive to look at but virtually tasteless. I heard that it scours your body, especially your colon, cleaning it of toxins and foreign invaders – and who doesn’t want that, quite honestly? It’s powerful stuff, too, that will make you constipated if you do it too often, so be careful. I’d rather have parasites vacationing and laying eggs all over my stomach than be constipated. Anyway, research, research, research.

Additionally, the fourteen-day fast I embarked on last January was good for clearing out a lot of alien materials that, to my mind, are better out than in. You won’t believe how much stuff I got rid of. My movie Fast and Very Loose tells you all about that. Now showing on Vimeo. WATCH HERE.

Finally, in really severe cases, treatment with a substance called diatomaceous earth, which is ground-up fossil shells, has been known to give the most audacious parasites a real run for their money. Here’s a video of a rather creepy guy not only drinking it himself but killing ants with it. Or so he says. He just puts a spoonful in a Ziploc bag, then promises you that they’ll be dead soon, without ever showing you. in that respect, it’s a vide-IOU, which I thought was hilarious. Better than television.

D.E. is the stuff they put behind refrigerators to kill earwigs and beetle infestations. But if you ingest the food-grade kind – which you should only do after more research to make sure you’re safe, because the FDA doesn’t give a thumbs-up to any of this and nobody wants you to get hurt by swallowing earwig poison – it’s like pouring a trillion miniature cut-diamonds into your system. They go through slicing up worms and other parasites, which then drop out the other end, diced up and dead. It also works wonders, according to the creepy man in the video, for arthritis, blood pressure problems, and making your hair stronger. Something else he asserts but doesn’t prove, like the ants.

And if none of these kill your parasites, try getting Lily Tomlin to shout at them. That’d certainly work for me. I’d be gone in a heartbeat.

NOTE: I’m adding this extra little bit for the sake of completeness. Every time I do any kind of cleanse, I always take probiotics at the same time, because some of this stuff can be harsh and wash away the good bacteria too, which isn’t good. Yoghurt’s healthy, but there are other specific ones that aid digestion and you should look into that. Usually, your health food store and any research you do will tell you back up your bacteria supply the way you back up files in a defective hard drive.

At the very least, even if you’re not interested in any of this, wash your vegetables. That much you can do. I’m not sure I’d ever resort to scrubbing them or buying products to clean them with. That nonsense could get old fast in our house. We don’t have time. But dropping them in a bowl of apple cider vinegar-tainted water – hell, that’s easy-peasy, and will reduce considerably your chances of ingesting parasites.

Oh, and you might wanna stop kissing your dog too. I mean, c’mon – that can’t be healthy,right?  I’m just saying.

TV Swami – he say YES to inner health.

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