Smug and preachy? You betcha, losers!

This is it. Crunch time. My final weekend of freedom. The raw food experiment begins Monday.

Before then, I have several parties and dinners to go to, where I can cram in as much of the old, flavorful, gut-packing, horrible-for-your-system dead stuff as I want (believe me, I intend to gorge like a prize hog). Then, that’s it. From next week, don’t even show me a pizza or omelette or a slice of German chocolate cake, because I don’t want to know. I’ll be in lock-down. Incarcerated for 100 days in a regime of nothing but fresh, healthy meals buzzing with enzymes. Fruits, nuts, vegetables, seeds, juices, sprouts. The food of life.

Oh good god, what the hell am I doing?

Am I really ready for this?

To prime myself, last night I dropped in on a pep rally being given at a local health store in L.A. by two ardent raw foodists and current beacons of the movement, Matt Monarch and Angela Stokes.

Both oddities in their way, they fortunately found each other and got married, so that turned out well. (He calls her Angela, she calls him Mr Monarch). Sadly, neither of them is a good public speaker. I mean, they speak – they’ve mastered that – they just don’t do it all that well in front of a group, I didn’t think, leading to lots of pauses for thought and meandering sentences that go nowhere, or, in Mr. Monarch’s case, that end abruptly with “…er…so that’s that”, followed by a swift change of topic.

They are, though, passionate about their subject and glowing examples of the raw food lifestyle, which is what counts. If I understand their message correctly – and there are no guarantees – then what they and other raw foodists are trying to tell us is this:

  • The basic principle behind eating 100% raw food is that everything else is rubbish. Fact.
  • Anything cooked at a heat of over 120 degrees is considered dead and is a poison to the body, regardless of how delicious it tastes or how great the picture looks on the packet.
  • Raw food is living food. Living food is required to feed and sustain the cells of a living body. Yours, would be a good example. Whereas anything that’s dead when you consume it – from meat to cookies, chocolate bars to coffee to bread to burgers to the numerous packs of Ding-Dongs you eat when you’re depressed – does you no good at all, and actually leads to disease.
  • 95% of disease today is caused by what we eat. As wonderful as modern cooked food may taste, the body doesn’t want it, period. Bread, for instance, puts a thick black lining around the walls of the intestines that is very difficult to get off and which leads to tumors and all manner of beastly-ghastliness. Cake’s even worse, sadly. And you know how much I love cake.
  • Disease can be countered by switching to raw food. (See Everything Bad is Good.) Even a condition as serious as diabetes has been thrown into reverse by switching to a raw food diet. (See Raw For 30 Days)
  • The first thing most people say when they hear about a raw food diet is, “But where do you get your protein?”
  • Raw foodists are soooooo tired of being asked that.
  • Stock answer: humans need a lot less protein than we think we do.
  • And anyway, protein is not the issue. Your body needs protein in order to get the necessary amino acids, and amino acids can be obtained in abundance from vegetables.
  • Eat a combination every day of leafy green vegetables, fruits, nuts, seeds, and so on, and your body will start to detoxify. Eventually you’ll be disease-free, because disease is caused by…altogether now….eating the wrong food.

There’s more. Lots and lots more, but that’s the gist, and it’s enough to convince me that I’ve been doing all the wrong things since I was a child. Time to stop now and give my body a break.

Earlier in the year, I spent two weeks on the Master Cleanser. An ordeal, sure, but a monster success. (Watch my award-winning video, Fast and Very Loose.) But that, apparently, was smallfry compare to the next 100 days.

So what can I expect from my new lifestyle? Here’s what I learned:

  • Expect to feel slightly ill at first. Detoxification starts at once. Symptoms can include a runny nose, headaches, pimples, all manner of things, depends how many toxins have to come out. But it’s all good.
  • Expect family and friends to thnk you’re mental for doing this and to distance themselves from you. (No problem. My own family distanced themselves from me on a whim years ago, so that’s one problem already solved.) Suddenly, you’re an oddity. That guy who “don’t eat normal.” People can’t relate to you. Hm. I’m surrounded by people. They’re everywhere. So I’m not sure how this is going to pan out in the coming weeks.
  • Expect to look old. Detox can really pack on the years and make you  fleshy in the face and older-seeming than you really are.
  • My God – really? Nobody warned me about that!! What the hell am I going to do? I don’t want to look old and fleshy. I’m only a boy.
  • Expect to counter this with a course of hydro colonics. Flushing out your colon with water is the prime and most efficient way to get toxins out, and it will counter that puffy, aged look.
  • Phew.
  • Luckily, I’m no stranger to having liquid pumped up my ass. Ahem. So I’ll go back to the clinic and book another course.
  • Expect to become a little smug and preachy, as you start to feel  superior to anyone still eating cooked poison. Smugness, eh? Well, no problem there.
  • Expect to be more alert, alive, happier, and to have visions.
  • I’m sorry – what was that last one? Visions?
  • Yes. There’s a spiritual side to changing your diet that can only be explained by doing it, apparently. In time, your whole system opens up and new energies flow in, energies that are blocked when your system is clogged by crap. Energies that make you super-instinctive and super-charged with consciousness.

Wow. I like the sound of that. How exciting.

However strangely daffy and Californian all this might seem when set alongside, say, normal life, I’m buying into it. From Monday, this will be my new reality. I have no clue how it’s going to go, but once again I’ve decided to film it.

In fact, my very first interviewee was Mr. Monarch, who, in close quarters, seems a little out of it, I thought. As if he’s simply too stoned right now to get his thoughts together in time to say them coherently. But apparently not so. His spaciness is just the purity of his elevated spirit shining through, all part of feeling good and being “conscious.” The man’s stoned on life. Indeed, I’m fully expecting to be like that myself by October, so don’t even think of having an intelligent conversation with me from now on, okay? I don’t wanna hear.

Afterwards, I asked him to sign a release form, giving me permission to use his sage advice in my little movie. To my surprise, he refused.

“Y’know what?” he said, handing it back, “I’m gonna pass for now.”  Uh-oh.

A trained expert would have signed it without a thought, of course. So I took this to mean that, since I guess he’s not a qualified nutritionist, he’s merely a guy who eats raw food and thinks you should too, he doesn’t want to be held accountable for what he says, in case it’s wrong and the law comes after him. Understandable. But also disturbing. How much of what he’d just told us could I trust, I wondered? It’s the first time my confidence in eating raw food sagged a little. The way my face is going to later on.

Anyway, too late! I’m committed. A long weekend of fun lies ahead, then all that I know and love about my life will be stripped away, as I launch, with a special meal in a raw food restaurant, my 100 days of vegetables, fruits, seeds, shoots, nuts, and juice.

Wish me luck, kids.

When you next see me I’ll be a different man. Thinner, healthier, more vibrant, and a little strung out, I guess. Oh, and very, very smug and preachy, let’s not forget that. Should be a good summer.

www.cashpeters.com

Follow me on Twitter @cashpeters.

Also worth reading: Steve Pavlina’s blog: 30 Days Raw.

Watch the promo for the new travel book: Naked in Dangerous Places.

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2 Comments

Filed under Television commentary

2 responses to “Smug and preachy? You betcha, losers!

  1. yipee2

    If you’ve checked out the guy from Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure [Matt Monarch] then check out Steve Pavlina’s website if you haven’t already. There’s probably some material on there that’ll keep this blog going for a million years but Pavlina did do a 30-day raw food trial earlier this year and blogged about it. I think you should get Rhod to go on a raw food diet…interesting to see how that would affect Up All Night.

    • Thanks for that. Very interesting. I’ve amended the blog accordingly.

      I can’t see Rhod doing anything healthy in the near future. Or maybe I’m misjudging him.

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