Free cake? Now???? Damn you, Starbucks.

Oh crap, what am I going to do?

Starbucks has just gone and made July 21st “Free pastry day.”

Visit one of their branches before 10.30 am, buy a coffee, and they promise to give you a free muffin, slice of pound cake, doughnut, apple fritter, or “gluten free orange valencia cake.”

Now, you don’t know me, so you’ll have to take it on trust when I say that this presents me with a mad-crazy-impossible dilemma. 

Because of course I’m still on my 100 day challenge.

100 days of eating nothing but 100% raw food. And that includes my favorite thing in the world – cake. All cake. Cake, in the context of the diet, being interpreted very broadly indeed. It’s basically an umbrella term covering the entire spectrum of cakes, tarts, and pastries, including, but by no means confined to muffins, pound cakes, doughnuts, apple fritters, and even, and especially, “gluten free orange valencia cakes” – whatever the hell that is; it sounds disgusting. Still, I’d eat it. It’s free.  

My God, what’s a guy to do?

I can’t touch cake, period. That’s just the way it is. No exceptions.

And yet…

I mean, the cake is free, after all. And something tells me that whoever devised the 100 day raw food challenge never saw that one coming. They didn’t envisage bloody Starbucks having a special promotion and giving away free stuff halfway through, did they? Who could?

Ooooh, here’s an idea. I guess I could go in on the 21st, buy a coffee, throw the coffee away – that’s not allowed on the diet either – get my free cake, then bring it home and keep it in the freezer until October 12th, when the 100 days is up. That’s one solution.

But it might also be a waste. What if I pass the 100 day mark and my body is in a whole new phase of inner cleanliness by then and doesn’t want cake any more? Unthinkable, I know, but it’s possible. Not only will I have apple-frittered away a whole bunch of valuable time driving all the way to Starbucks early in the morning, but, and more importantly, I’ll have wasted a pastry. One of God’s greatest inventions.  

This is torture.

Right now I have no solution to the problem. But I have until Tuesday to come up with a plan. That’s way too much time, of course, and I know I won’t get a wink of sleep tonight, thinking about what to do.

Damn you, Starbucks.

www.cashpeters.com.

Check out the promo video for Cash’s new book HERE.

Then buy a signed copy HERE. Or HERE.

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2 Comments

Filed under Television commentary

2 responses to “Free cake? Now???? Damn you, Starbucks.

  1. moochia

    Stay strong, Cash! I have faith in you!

    At the very least, you could just sleep in on Tuesday morning. Set that alarm for 10:31 AM!

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