Man boobs. This time it’s personal.

 Raw food update.

(I realize how many of you will read that first line, groan, and immediately leave the blog, but it’s important. To me anyway. Plus, since a few readers saw what I was doing and began a similar regime themselves, it’s important to them too.)

I’ve been on the raw food diet now for…I lost count somewhere along the way, but I believe it’s over three weeks, almost four. During that time, the following happened:

  1. I lost ten pounds. Not ten pounds I could afford to lose, I was already before-afterthin, but ten pounds nonetheless.  My neck is thinner, my shirts are hanging off me, I look good in a bikini again. Also, people are starting to comment adversely. “God, you’re so skinny!”
  2. My feet started aching. It’s painful to walk now, for some reason, though of course all the organs in the body have nerve endings in the feet, so it’s obviously related. Maybe my insides are screaming for help. Yes, that’s probably it.
  3. I started to feel really alive. Focused, athletic, strong, determined.
  4. My skin is fantastic. I had one or two minor break-outs while I was detoxing, and I got an ulcer on my tongue that was reeeeally painful. Otherwise, I’m developing a bit of a glow. And in a world looking for alternative sources of energy, that can’t be a bad thing.
  5. My food allergies have subsided. I put this down to the fact that I’m not eating the foods I’m allergic to. Duh.
  6. My man-boobs (I’m a B-cup), which developed years ago after I drank way too many lattes (containing hormones) and ate way too much acidic food (which does something to encourage estrogen, I believe) suddenly look even more ridiculous than they did before. [UPDATE: August 25th 2011]. The answer to man-boobs, I’m now discovering, is to cut out wheat initially, then do push-ups to tighten the skin. Lots and lots of push-ups. I started 10 days ago, doing 3 a day (which is all I could manage), then gradually increasing the number each morning. Already I’m doing 18 a day. And two people have commented that my moobs look significant smaller, as the muscles tighten, causing the skin to be pulled taut. Oh yes. But the core issue is about wheat. If you haven’t read the book Wheat Belly by Dr. William Davis, you should. He puts enlarged breasts in men mainly down to the crap that’s in modern-day wheat.
  7. My senses are heightened. My sense of smell, for instance, is through the roof. Unfortunately, this makes normal food smell even better and more enticing than it really is, and I want some. NOW!
  8. Friends are avoiding me. In droves. The telephone never rings any more.  Apparently, I’m considered a real bore because I’m so enthusiastic about nutrition and they’re not, and every time I eat something live and raw and healthy it reminds them that what they’re eating is dead and slowly killing them. So? What’s wrong with that?
  9. I’m not being invited out to dinner or to dinner parties. dinnerPeople are anticipating that I’ll be an awkward guest and start picking and choosing what I’ll eat (and they’re not wrong), which ruins it for everyone. Our neighbors called up last night and invited my partner out to dinner. My name didn’t even come up.
  10. My partner makes his own food without consulting me and sits eating it, reading a magazine, hoping silently that I don’t bring up the subject of raw food, because if I mention one more time that what he’s putting in his mouth is dead he may lash out.
  11. I paid for an internet course on how to reduce the size of my moobs. The trick seems to be to increase the alkalinity of your diet and do weights to tighten the chest. I begin that next week. (MANBOOB UPDATE: Discovered that man boobs are caused by the consumption of wheat. Didn’t know that. It’s in a NY Times bestselling book called ‘Wheat Belly,’ which I wholewheatedly recommend.)
  12. Salads I used to eat in local restaurants now taste vile. This is because they use vegetables sprayed with pesticides and for the first time I can actually taste them.
  13. The food cravings won’t go away. Cake especially. But I’ve managed to talk some sense into myself before eating them, and avoided lapsing. However, cake, being sacred, will definitely be a part of my diet again in the future. It is the law.
  14. Most of the food I used to eat holds no allure or appeal any more. Pasta may smell good, but I have no desire whatsoever to put it in my mouth. And chicken….yeuw.
  15. feet15. Except for the soles of my feet, which hurt like hell, I feel terrific. My body has adapted quickly.
  16. 16. I’ve learned to “cook” raw meals at home that are really very exciting and delicious. Raw is not as dismal or eccentric as it at first sounds.
  17. Raw restaurants make better raw food than I could ever make myself. I should have learned that by now.
  18. I eat so much less food than I used to. When the food is raw, or in juice form, it is almost all nutrition, so you need less of it. Dead food, because it contains barely any nutrients at all, has to be consumed in bulk for the body to benefit. Afterwards, you’re soon hungry again and eating more. That’s why people put on weight. Eat healthy food and the pounds fall off you. Though not, I’m discovering, off your man-boobs, which obstinately remain the same size.
  19. L.A. has some fabulous raw food places, and the health food stores here have whole aisles dedicated to raw food. Only in California.
  20. owlI’m developing “raw food eyes”, according to some friends. This is the intense, glaring, pop-eyed expression that people on high nutrition diets get after a while. I promised I wouldn’t, but it’s unavoidable, apparently. Damn.
  21. I sometimes feel entirely separate from my physical body. Floaty, distant, totally at peace within. It’s like I’m just a high frequency spirit trapped inside a low frequency physical form. Oh, wait, that’s exactly what I am!
  22. I’m impatient and bad-tempered sometimes now. This is because raw food sharpens your nerve endings to a point and you can’t stand to be around fools any more. Clearly, I was extremely attractive to fools previously.
  23. Raw food is  Oh-my-god-Level expensive. I don’t know how much I’ve spent on food and ingredients for meals these past three or four weeks, but it’s still a small fortune. I’m out of pocket by hundreds of dollars. And that doesn’t even include the cost of the course on how to reduce my man-boobs.
  24. I stopped counting the days about a week ago. But since beginning this piece, I’ve now done a calculation of how long I’ve been raw, and it’s only 24 days. 76 left to go. Yike.

So there you go. The work continues. Sorry if that’s boring for the rest of you, but I’m genuinely shocked at what a worthwhile experiment this is. Clearly, we’re eating all the wrong stuff and our bodies hate it. We’re just not listening to what they’re telling us. Same way my partner and most of my friends no longer listen to me.

Raw Food Further Update

Completed 100-day raw food challenge mid-October. Lost 14lbs total, feel fantastic – beyond fantastic: calm, focused, present, centered; skin is translucent and clear.

On the downside: I look very skinny, have lost my ass completely; am considered a pain in other people’s asses at dinner parties where I actually can barely eat anything they serve; get ill if I try.

It’s very difficult after 100 days to reverse the good that’s been done to the body. Eat cooked food and you get stomach ache. What’s more, things you used to love eating you now can’t get down. Or at least you can get them down, but you can’t keep them down. Pasta looks disgusting, fries are unappealing, chocolate cake tastes like warmed-up snot; bacon smells of diarrhea; and chicken is positively the worst thing ever in the history of the world. No exaggeration.

All in all, extremely happy, then. It all came good. There were brief lapses, and I did have tea occasionally. Plus, I had to eat bread or crackers now and then as binder, otherwise, what with all the fruit and veg, I was developing BIG problems “downstairs”.  But that’s all. And therefore I declare this a massive, life-changing success.

Thank you and goodnight.

 Everything you read above, by the way, came about because Cash was researching a book about health and healing. After heading  down to Brazil on a meditation retreat, he came across groups of people living the raw food life and recovering from all kinds of diseases and physical ailments. That convinced him.

It’s available here.


Filed under Television commentary

6 responses to “Man boobs. This time it’s personal.

  1. Question: A lot of the raw recipes that I’ve found involve lengthy dehydration and/or long marinating. Dehydration kills things, even plants, so surely they’re ‘dead’ too. Marinating in any kind of acid denatures proteins exactly as cooking does (think ceviche where the lime juice ‘cooks’ the fish and bits). Surely it might be a bit of a stretch to call something dehydrated into stiffness, or soaked in lemon and lime until its texture changes, still alive? Raw might even not be true for things in an acid marinade.

    • Enzymes can survive up to a temp of 117 degrees. After that they die and the food is no longer alive. Most stuff in a dehydrator is dried at 110 or so, therefore it’s still considered alive. I don’t dehydrate anything or marinate it, so it’s not an issue. But thanks.

  2. You’ve seen this, I trust:

    Raw Chocolate Cake

    Serves 10

    Ingredients for the crust:

    1/2 cup cocoa powder
    1/2 cup carob
    1/2 cup finely ground almonds
    1/3 cup agave sirup
    1/4 cup coconut or cacoa butter
    Pinch of sea salt

    For the chocolate filling

    2 cups cocoa powder
    1.5 cups agave sirup
    1 cup coconut or cacao butter
    1 tablespoon Vanilla extract (optional)1 tablespoon Lucuma Powder (optional)1 teaspoon Maca Powder (optional)

    For garnishing:

    Strawberries, raspberries, or oranges for garnishing.


    Combine and mix all ingredients. You can best do this by hand or standing mixer). It should have a dough-like consistency. Press the dough evenly into a 7 inch tart pan. (A removable bottom, a plastic cling wrap lining or one of these new flexible silicon pans are easiest.) Chill in the fridge for at least an hour if you have time.


    Blend all the ingredients in a blender until very smooth. Poor into the cake crust. Put the cake back in the fridge and chill for at least another hour.

    Before serving, decorate the cake with the berries, orange or other nice looking fruit.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s