Monthly Archives: September 2009

Please don’t blame Jeremy Piven.

Here’s a piece of news that will annoy some and delight others.

I’ve been writing this blog since March, sticking to it pretty diligently, as a matter of fact, and attracting quite a few regular followers along the way. Thanks, everyone, for that. Although I secretly wish we’d soared into hundreds of thousands of hits each day – that would have been amazing. Somehow I lack the time and the marketing skills.

And it’s “time” that I’m writing about today. I have to take a small break from the blog. There’s other stuff I’m writing and I must apply myself to that for the next few very important weeks. It’s an obligation thing.

jeremy_piven_shirtlessIt’s not, contrary to what many may think, because of Jeremy Piven. Or because, no matter what else I put on here each day, that story I told months ago about spotting Piven in a clothes store trying on shirts still gets the vast bulk of the traffic. That’s not it at all.

There are simply too many other things to be done.

I will continue to post stuff now and then. Interesting videos, odd points I feel need making. Check my website for updates on everything else.  AND of course you can still get a hold of me through Facebook and on Twitter  @cashpeters. So relax, all is not lost.

But for now, we’re done. The Swami is rolling up his magic carpet, storing it in its special cupboard, and retiring into the shadows, from where, obscured by darkness, he will sit staring out at you spookily until he’s absolutely sure you’re gone.

My emotions at this moment are probably best expressed by this year’s Eurovision Song Contest entry from Iceland.

Bye for now.

www.cashpeters.com

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The Invisible Man Returns?

It was my father’s birthday this weekend.

I have no idea where he is or what he’s doing. To tell you the truth, I don’t even know if he’s still alive, though intuition tells me he is. Still playing golf. Still drinking with his buddies in the village pub. Still doing his card tricks. For that reason, when his birthday comes around – he’s in his mid-80s now – I like to dash off a ‘many happy returns’ -type email and press send.  Hey, he’s still my father. It’s the right thing to do.  

INvisible ManOur relationship is strange. Mostly one way. Like waltzing with the Invisible Man. Not something I can explain, and probably not something you’re interested in hearing. You have your own problems. Suffice it to say that he’s extremely angry with me right now.

Right now and for the past couple of decades, as a matter of fact. 

One day in the early 90s, something insignificant I said or did lit his blue touch paper, sending him up like a bottle rocket, and he never came warback down. That was it. Since then, he’s been at war – if that’s even possible when your enemy’s imaginary – single-handedly fighting his own Afghanistan, refusing to pull out, even though the polls are against him and despite the evidence of defeat all around. 

Such a stand does not make an iota of sense, of course. Fighting for fighting’s sake. Twenty years of revenge just Galaxyto make a point nobody else gives a damn about. Not, that is, unless you were born into our family. In our family, when you have a grudge, you hang onto it for dear life ’til your fingernails almost shred the fibers. You wear it like a badge of honor into Hell, if necessary. Never surrender, never give up. Winning is all that matters.

My mother and her sister engineered a similar spat. They were estranged, same way my dad and I are, the exact details never to be spilled. Not to me anyway. Even so, I’m prepared to wager that the reason, whatever it might have been, was miniscule and unimportant and certainly not worth sacrificing a relationship for. Yet they allowed this petty grievance to foam and fester between them for the bulk of their adult lives. Until eventually, inevitably, the black tar of mutual animosity ate away at their bodies, and both women died. At the same age and of exactly the same thing! Physical diagnosis: cancer. Emotional diagnosis: deep anger, unresolved conflict, lack of forgiveness. Result: needless waste. There were no winners. There never are.

What’s weird is that, of all of us, I appear to be the exception. An oddball. Mother Theresa to my father’s Dick Cheney. I’ve lived broader and seen the world; so naturally I have a more pragmatic perspective.

I believe totally in getting over yourself. Talk it out, reach a settlement, forgive, forget, move on. To me, it’s not a sign of weakness. Far from it. In fact, I happen to think that that’s what life is all about. It’s part of the learning and growing process. Everything else is your ego talking. Fighting, then making up afterwards leads to redemption and forges stronger relationships all round.

Not surprisingly, my dad fully disagrees. On the odd occasion that I tried to reconcile with him in the past, bafflingly it only missilesmade things worse. Nothing – nothing – gets the old fella more riled up than a kind word or a well-intended greeting. And NOTHING is more likely to send him ballistic, I’ve found from tragic experience, than being told, “I love you.” Oh boy, did I land myself in a whole heap of trouble once for that gaffe! His normally terse one-line emails gave way to great exploding fireballs of rage, and I think he cut me out of his will soon after.

Yet still I try. What can I say? That’s me. I’m an optimist.

INvisibleLike an adopted kid who spends a lifetime doggedly seeking out his birth parents, refusing to throw in the towel, I sit down once a year and send a message to the Invisible Man, in the vain hope that, someday, a light bulb will flicker on and he’ll say to himself, “Holy shit, what was I thinking? Afghanistan’s a dump, we need to get out of here” and set off to find me.

It’s a loser’s scenario – don’t even say it; I know – and bound to fail. But I don’t care. Hope, as a motivator, is Teflon-coated. It keeps me going, and will continue to for years to come no doubt, until word finally reaches me that he’s dead. If it ever does. And if it doesn’t, then those ‘many happy returns’ messages that land in his inbox every September 18th are going to start seeming miiiiiighty creepy.

Ho-hum.

For the time being, I’m just going to duck down behind this four-foot thick lead radioactive shield over here, say, “Happy birthday, dad. Have a wonderful year, wherever you are,” then continue on as if nothing has happened.

Because nothing will.

explosion

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The silverish orb has arrived. Ooooooooh.

BioS_Silver_GtabsObserve and admire. The BioElectric Shield. As worn by Dr. Wayne Dyer, Tony Blair’s wife, and now me.

Before you ask, because I know you will, it’s a crystal matrix that resonates with your body energy, helping fend off disharmonious energies from external sources, including rays from cellphones, computers, and satellite radios.  It also refracts other people’s anger, as you would expect.

Added to which, it’s actually quite beautiful. A lot nicer than it looks in the picture. In case you don’t quite get what it does, here’s a diagram.

shield 2Now, any further questions? Yes, the gentleman holding the big Q.

Q: How much did it cost you?

shieldNothing as yet. They cost five hundred bucks each, but I have it on a 60 day trial to see if it does what they say it will do. If it doesn’t, back it goes to Montana, where it was crafted by experts and “charged up” in a special charging room.

Anyone else got a question?

Q: D’you think it’s a scam and you’ve been duped?    

Anyone else?

Q: Yes, over here! Pick me! 

In that case, this press conference is at an end. I’ll keep you posted on what happens. Stay tuned.

Here’s a video about it.

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Look, I bought a big gay ribbon for five hundred bucks.

shieldNo blog today – sorry, guys. Eagerly awaiting arrival of my new BioElectric Shield and I simply can’t concentrate on anything else. In case you don’t know, it’s an EMF protector. It also deflects other people’s anger. How cool is that?

I’m not sure how it works, but the effects are apparently astounding. It basically takes the average human being shield 2(see fig 1) and wraps him in a lovely swirling multi-colored  ribbon (see fig 2). Which also makes it a great way of drawing attention to yourself in the street, I should think.

“Who’s that jerk with the multi-colored swirling ribbon around him?”

“I don’t know. Freakin’ show-off. Let’s go beat him up.”

This is from the website Spirit of Nature.

“I’ve been wearing one every day since around 1994. They have made a huge difference in my life – in my ability to stay calm and centered, to think more clearly, to not get sucked into other people’s dramas, and to not become extremely fatigued and irritated when exposed to electromagnetics.

And these days, with cell phones, computer screens, fluorescent lights, the electrical field created inside an airplane and large buildings, getting away from the influence of electromagnetics is virtually impossible.

You’ve heard of Tony Blair, former Prime Minister of England? Well his wife wears one. So does Dr. Wayne Dyer, a very famous author you may have heard of. Dannion Brinkley, the guy struck by lightening, also wears a BioElectric Shield. Olympic Gold Medalist, Dianne Golden – she wears one too!

Musicians love it – particularly if they spend much time in the recording studio. Why? Just think about all the electronics they have to deal with.

From housewives to CEOs and everything in between, BioElectric Shields are used around the globe to protect people and their loved ones from the disharmonious energy coming off of electronic devices.

 

That’s what I need, protection from disharmonious energy. Total cost of the device? $500.

Hey, don’t laugh. If they charge a whopping five hundred bucks then it must work, right? Otherwise they’d be duping us. And anyway, that’s cheap. The top of the line model is $2,200.  

All I can say is: I’m sitting by the door like a puppy, waiting for the mailman to bring my BioElectric Shield to me. I’ll let you know what happens.

www.cashpeters.com

Watch Cash’s movie, Fast and Very Loose, HERE.

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Weekend glee.

This is remarkable.

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First Adam Lambert, now this.

“Best show on TV this year?” you ask.

Oh, that’s easy.

lambertI could also have said the campest. If anyone thought Fox had blown the gay meter with Adam Lambert on American Idol last season, then they need to watch Glee. Compared to this, Lambert is Hulk Hogan in thigh-length boots.

Up until now my favorite show was Better Off Ted. And that’s still an amazing sitcom. But I LOVE Glee, and it’s not often you’ll hear me say that about a scripted show. I love it to bits and shreds and I want to have its children. Seriously. My uterus belongs to Fox. In Gleeterms of originality, wit, infectiousness, excitement, fearlessness, funny lines per episode, and the sheer genius of the idea, there is nothing – nothin‘, I tells ya – to beat Glee.

The basics: bunch of hormone-raged misfit high schoolers try to find their identity by performing in a glee club, coached by a visionary teacher who’s also busy fending off the various forces of evil trying  to shut the club down. That’s the nutshell version.  But it’s so much more. Funny, involving, surprising, bitchy, sexy. There’s something for everyone. Black diva, hunky jock, acid-tongued queen….and I ask you, how many dance troupes feature McLovin’ in a wheelchair? It reminds me of the first season of Desperate Housewives before it grew old and tired.

I love that some TV executive at Fox had the balls to greenlight this. Whoever that is, I want to find him and kiss him thank-you. (So he might want to leave town now. I’m just saying.) Suddenly, maybe television isn’t doomed after all.

Watch this show, I implore you, or miss out on a major cultural experience that’s about to sweep the world. One of so many. First Barack Obama, then Adam Lambert and Better Off Ted, now Glee. America – you’re back.  

Glee gets FIVE magic carpets out of Five.

TV Swami – he says YES to original TV programming finally.

 

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Payback.

It’s official, I guess: people just love to fight.

fighting 3Anyone who read yesterday’s Swami will know that there’s a major political battle being waged over there about that vile demon “socialism”, one that even throwing buckets of water over the participants hasn’t managed to quell or assuage as yet. It’s still going on. You should check it out.

BAM! POW!

I too have been caught up in a lot of involuntary bare-knuckle scraps in my time, mostly with critics and radio listeners who hate my work. When you’re in radio, on TV, or in the public eye in any way, however minisculely, you’re setting yourself up for inevitable ambushes from time to time. Face it, there’s bound to be somebody out there who is jealous of you, and who somehow manages to find time in their busy day to write in and say how much you suck. Or else they just hate you indiscriminately. I have that too.

Indeed, I believe I still hold the record for the highest number of threats of physical injury made against a commentator on public radio, for a report I did many years ago about a 12th Century prison in Ireland.

Kilmainham Jail is beyond dreary, and the bleak, drizzly Dublin weather did nothing prisonto enhance it. So, during a tour of this gray granite hellhole I happened to volunteer a number of ways that it might be cheered up. Drapes, benches in the courtyard, potted plants, a feature pond with carp…nothing drastic, just something to take off the harsher edges and give it eye-appeal.

Well, the response was nothing short of vitriolic. Listeners in their hundreds objected – they were incensed! – to the idea that a monument of such standing and with such a bleak history should be in any way dressed up. We differed over terminology. They called it desecration; I called it a makeover. But the result was dire: a lot of fighting Irish in Boston calling the show, volunteering, at no cost, to cave my head in for me.

BIFF! WHACK!

Mercifully, I don’t receive all that many compaints as a rule. Though some of the worst came during my TV show, when for some reason people who absolutely hated it insisted on watching every episode anyway and writing to tell me how vile it was, using language so salty it would make a nun’s ears bleed. Of course, being seasoned in the complaints biz, I took it all in my stride. Besides, even after three years, I still hear from people every single day who absolutely loved Stranded. So the critics were wrong. And you simply have to step over their words as you would vomit on the sidewalk and move on.

naked book 2Some complaints, though, are motivated by unspoken factors and are harder to reconcile.  Last week, for instance, I received a horrible put-down, this time on my Facebook page. About my new book, Naked in Dangerous Places.

“Although I do like your sense of humor,” the guy wrote, “and the book was an interesting read….”

So far I’m quite enjoying this. But wait, there’s more.

Having got the faint praise out of the way, he went on, “…I was surprised at how you think you can say whatever you please and expect people to still like you. Have you never heard the expression “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you”? ….. I finished this book of yours, but I won’t buy or read another.”

He signed himself ‘Disappointed.’

Oh yeah? Well, not half as disappointed as I am, believe me, Disappointed. No author wants readers to walk away from his work disgruntled, right?

But then I thought about it some more, and probed a bit, and realized that Disappointed had an agenda.

In Naked, as you’ll know if you’ve read it, I’m not shy about saying how evil Christian evangelicals are when it comes to complaining. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that nobody, in my experience, writes hate-mail quite like a right-wing Christian fanatic. As the gay marriage debate has shown time and again, they judge when they shouldn’t be judging, they threaten and despise when they should be spreading love and acceptance, and they’re quick with an unkind word when they feel the situation calls for it. It’s the exact opposite of what Jesus preached, I’ve always thought. But they don’t see that. Indeed, I’ve argued with my father for years that if he just practiced all the principles spread by Jesus, we’d have a great relationship and be best buddies. But he’s a Christian, so I don’t see that happening any time soon.

KABOOOOM!

Anyway, it turns out that the guy who wrote telling me he didn’t like Naked has his own book coming out. Well, how very exciting. Self-published, by the looks of it. (Nothing wrong with that,  I’m about to self-publish one of my own  Still…) Here’s an extract from the blurb on the back cover to whet your appetite:

After stopping to admire the view on his leisurely hike down a mountain, Jesusour main character realizes that he is now in Heaven….. “Wasn’t I supposed to walk out of fog-like clouds to see the shimmering, pearly gates of Heaven? I had always imagined being waved in, walking on a street of gold with people who have passed before me on either side clapping. I knew that I would shortly meet Jesus…”

No, it’s not a comedy. At least, I don’t think.  But seeing this and knowing what I now know, I would have told Disappointed ahead of time – pleaded with him actually: “Don’t read my books. They’ll only offend you. If you full-on buy into this streets of gold in Heaven stuff, there’s nothing – nothing at all – about the worldly reality I present in my work that’s going to do anything but unsettle you.”

That said, oddly – and call me strange – the blurb works well for me: I now very much want to read this and plan to buy a copy at the first opportunity. I know many other people will too. It looks like an instant classic.

For instance, I don’t think there’s a book jacket in existence that refers to the main character as “our main character” – is there?  Don’t they usually tell you his name to draw you in? For some reason, that gives me hope that I’m really going to enjoy everything else Disappointed writes too.

Anyway, more to come once I’ve read it. If it’s any good, the TV Swami will do his bit and help promote the book he currently refuses to name.

BOOOOOM! ZAAAAAP!

Oh, and since I’m talking about spats, let me wind up with a couple of TV clips. Remember a few weeks ago, when David Letterman made a joke – a crude joke, but a joke – about Sarah Palin’s daughter, and an almighty kerfuffle broke out, forcing Dave into a massive retraction?

No? Then bring yourself up to speed here.

It was all pretty turgid back then, but it’s over. Or so we thought. Dave, it seems, having been humbled, can’t let it go. Last week, using the possibility of having Dick Cheney run for president in 2012 as a launching point, he got a chance to revisit the Palin moment. He handled it so well that I thought it was worth rerunning here. Enjoy.  And God bless.

www.cashpeters.com

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Evils of Socialism

Seems I’ve started a fire I can’t put out.

fightTo begin with, I posted the contents of an email about the ludicrous assertion that under Obama the US is drifting towards socialism. This was sent to me by an alarmed friend. You’ll find that below.

Then, below that, I’ve posted a comment that came from someone who is equally alarmed, but this time by the views of my alarmed friend.

Next, you’ll see a short, sharp smack to the head from my alarmed friend mothraaimed at the guy who disputed her views in the first place. And last of all, you’ll witness, in what is rapidly becoming the fight of the century on Swami, the contender’s comeback, which is fierce and damning.

It’s brutal, like Godzilla versus Mothra, yet fascinating. Is it wrong of me to find this a bit of a turn-on?

Anyway, here goes…

Message #1:

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by socialist electricity
generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the US Department of
Energy. I then took a shower in the socialist clean water provided by the
municipal water utility. After that, I turned on the socialist radio to one
of the FCC regulated channels to hear what the socialist National Weather
Service of the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration
determined the weather was going to be like using socialist satellites
designed, built, and launched by the National Aeronautics and Space
Administration. I watched this while eating my breakfast of socialist US
Department of Agriculture inspected food and taking the socialist drugs
which have been determined as safe by the Food and Drug Administration.

At the appropriate time as kept accurate by the socialist National Institute
of Standards and Technology and the US Naval Observatory, I
get into my socialist National Highway Traffic Safety Administration
approved automobile and set out to work on the socialist roads built by
the socialist local, state, and federal departments of transportation,
possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level
determined by the socialist Environmental Protection Agency, using socialist legal tender issued by the Federal Reserve Bank. On the way
out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the socialist US
Postal Service and drop the kids off at the socialist public school.
If I get lost, I can use my socialist GPS navigation technology developed by
the United States Department of Defense and made available
to the public in 1996 by President Bill Clinton who issued a policy
directive declaring socialist GPS to be a dual-use military/civilian system
to be managed as a national socialist asset.

After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the
socialist workplace regulations imposed by the Department of Labor
and the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill me because of the socialist USDA, I
drive my socialist NHTSA car back home on the socialist DOT roads, to my
house which has not burned down in my absence because of the socialist state and local building codes and socialist fire marshal’s inspection, and which has not been plundered of all it’s valuables thanks to the
socialist local police department.

I then get on my computer and use the socialist internet which was developed by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Administration and
browse the socialist World Wide Web using my graphical web browser, both
made possible by Al Gore’s socialist High Performance Computing and
Communication Act of 1991. I then post on freerepublic.com and fox news
forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can’t
do anything right.

Message #2, from “Kazvorpal” :

All of the things you mention are parts of our lives we find lacking…if we’re paying attention…and that is because of the socialism you mention.

People pay silly prices for bottled water, because the water monopoly tends to produce a supply of dubious quality, and forces us all to suffer the same intentional adulteration, despite questions as to whether things like fluoride and chlorine may actually be harmful to our systems.

fightingWe insanely overpay for electricity, and in most places the wires are still above-ground, prone to failure in bad weather and even deadly to innocent bystanders at times, all because the monopoly power company has no incentive to be responsible to customers.

The science says that the forced daylight savings time actually costs human life, aside from the discomfort and suffering that studies say actually lasts until the return to non-government-arrogance-time.

We suffer traffic jams and crappy road conditions purely because government has even less incentive to respond to consumer needs than government-mandated, private monopolies.

Many of our greatest economic crises are caused by the socialized currency you mentioned…for example, the current economic depression, produced by a shortage of currency, because of the mismanagement of the Federal Reserve, or the normal recessions, caused by a surplus of said currency.

The postal service, of course, has been increasing its prices at double inflation, for the past few decades, while it’s actually become decreasingly useful in the same period. It even tried to demand that email be taxed to subsidize its inefficient blundering.

Most health and safety standards actually stagnate health and safety technology, so that we’re often using criteria and techniques developed decades, even generations, ago, when we’d have been far safer if businesses building/selling products had to actually compete for consumer confidence directly.

Pretty much everything you laud, is crap we’re stuck with because of government coercion.

Message #3:

punchCan you imagine what we’d have to pay for water if it was owned by private companies, like those that bottle it for us?

 Can you imagine what would happen if private companies controlled electricity, as Enron did in California, shutting off power intermittently to raise prices on false premises of power shortages to increase their profits?

 Daylight savings time has actually saved lives by allowing farmers to stay in the fields longer to supply cheap produce for this country and much of the planet.

 Private monopolies, like health insurers, running our road system so everyone has to pay to use those roads?  That should work out for the majority, huh?

 The economic depression produced by a shortage of currency would be funny if it wasn’t so deliberately misleading.  This economic depression was fighting 2caused by the same principles that caused the last Great Depression.  No regulation of Wall Street, allowing people like Bernard Madoff to run a Ponzi scheme for 20 years and corporations like AIG and banks to create unsupported loans which created the housing speculation that just blew up in their (and our) faces when those unsupported loans went into foreclosure.

 The postal service hasn’t been increasing its prices enough, let alone with the false charge of double inflation.  It’s losing money now because people are using the internet rather than paper, dropping the bottom out of the system because of lack of support.  No blundering on their part, just changes in technology and the times.

 And being protected against injuries in the workplace hasn’t stagnated anything, especially technology, which has boomed in and around these protections, creating all sorts of time savings apparatus and efficiency standards in the process, as opposed to the good old days, when workers were regularly injured on the job and simply replaced by healthy workers until they wore out.

 Pretty much everything in this comment on your blog is crap, promoted by the “libertarians” and Ron Paulites who make stuff up to support their false claims of “the free market regulates itself!”  Yeah.  Like any store left unattended for days or weeks would have any inventory left or any income to show what was taken.  It regulates itself.  And pigs can fly.

Message #4:

fighting 3> Can you imagine what we’d have to pay for
> water if it was owned by private companies,
> like those that bottle it for us?

Yes, I can, and it would be less, for higher quality.

Why? Because monopolies always have higher prices and lower quality. There’s really no choice in the matter, no pun intended.

When a company has a monopoly, not only is it certain to charge more and try less, but if it wanted to do otherwise, it has no means of measuring what works better or worse, where the efficiency lies, et cetera.

Competition is the only way to drive cost down and quality up, as the businesses test ideas against each other.

The evils of monopoly don’t magically stop being true just because the thing they supply is really important…if anything, it makes them apply more.

> Can you imagine what would happen if
> private companies controlled electricity, as
> Enron did in California, shutting off power
> intermittently to raise prices on false
> premises of power shortages to increase
> their profits?

owlYou just made another argument in my favor. Almost all power companies are private, that doesn’t make them any less socialist. They are state-mandated monopolies, and their abuses are the fault of socialism…were there competition, they would never dare treat customers so poorly.

What’s more, it is massive state regulation that forced Enron to shut off power; California has effectively banned the building of local power plants, and set price controls that effectively banned the importation of power from states with less socialism, ergo more power plants. If socialism bans you making the product, and bans you buying it, then you can’t supply it.

> Daylight savings time has actually saved
> lives by allowing farmers to stay in the fields
> longer to supply cheap produce for this
> country and much of the planet.

That doesn’t even make sense on its face.

How, precisely, does having farmers in fields longer (which is a silly premise, anyway) save lives? Especially while the socialist government pays farmers to grow less specifically to make prices higher.

But, as two seconds of actually thinking things through will tell you, farmers work EXACTLY the same number of hours, regardless of daylight savings time. During harvest, they work each available hour, and the clock changes nothing for them. It’s the rest of America, who isn’t dependent upon the climate for their living, who suffer.

> Private monopolies, like health insurers,
> running our road system so everyone has to
> pay to use those roads? That should work
> out for the majority, huh?

More brilliant logic…you think each of the dozens of health insurance companies is a monopoly? Do you know what mono-poly means?

People would no more have to pay to use private roads, than they have to pay to watch network television. In order to get you to their stores, Wal-Mart would build its own roads, if it couldn’t bribe local politicians to build them on taxpayer backs. And it would make them better, because it wants as many customers eager to use them as possible. And they’re not going to bring in nearly as many customers if they charge a toll, any more than if they made you pay a fee to have the lights on while you shop.

The same, obviously, with anyone developing a sub-division.

On a highway scale, there would be far more money to be made in advertising, and charging rent to businesses on the road-side, than charging a toll that would massively limit the number of drivers and how quickly they could get on and off the highway.

fighting 4> No regulation of Wall Street, allowing people
> like Bernard Madoff to run a Ponzi scheme
> for 20 years and corporations like AIG and
> banks to create unsupported loans which
> created the housing speculation that just
> blew up in their (and our) faces when those
> unsupported loans went into foreclosure.

This speaks to a sheer ignorance of even the basics of recent economic history. The amount, and enforcement, of regulation increased rapidly under George Bush, which is why there was so much more /prosecution/ of things like Enron and Madoff. Remember, Enron’s crimes, and many of Bernie’s, were committed while they were bribing the Clinton administration to look the other way.

Curiously, the economy did better when we did have lower regulation and minimal enforcement, because of the Lincoln Bedroom bribery system of Clinton.

Meanwhile, as anyone paying attention knows, the loans causing the housing speculation bubble were FORCED on the industry, by Congress. Laws requiring that loans be made to undeserving people in order to have “record home ownership” for Clinton and Bush, plus the power to force this behavior with the socialist Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, guaranteed the bubble…and the response of the socialist Obama administration, pushing new home loans with lower standards, are setting up an even bigger fall, in the future.

You’re not going to have a store “left unattended” in a free market, that simile is bordering on literal insanity. A business owner, in a free market, protects his property more than he does under socialism, not less, because he has more of a sense of responsibility.

More appropriate is the image of a store-front left abandoned under socialism, because you can get tax breaks for losing money on the store, versus the massive cost of complying with money-making regulations in order to rent to a new client, while in a free market every day the store was un-rented is lost money, so you’d cut prices until you found a renter, no matter what.

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Cakes that make you wanna barf.

There’s a great feature on the Daily Beast today.

A woman called Jen Yates collected photos of the worst professional cakes ever made and put them in a book called Cake Wrecks. Here are a couple…

1) The heart transplant. ugly cake

 

2) The dead groom.

ugly cake 2

A slideshow of some others can be found HERE.

Jen also has a blog called Cake Wrecks, which is worth looking at.

www.cashpeters.com

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How I almost appeared on The Tonight Show.

Casual Friday. It’s already hot and sticky in L.A., and I’m writing this naked. Those are the facts, people. Just accept them.

On Casual Fridays I like to bunk off work and hand the Swami over to someone who writes better than I do, or at the very least has something better to say. Today that honor falls to a guy whose name I will have to cut and paste, because I can neither pronounce it nor spell it: James Poniewozik.

LenoHe’s written a fantastically informative article for Time magazine about the future of television. And right now, he posits, the future seems to rest on what happens next week when Jay Leno launches his new show five nights a week on NBC, replacing their old, costly, lumbering, expensive dramas that nobody was watching.

Most people are expecting this experiment to be a flop. The bulk of variety shows do, after all, go into a rapid tailspin and disappear. In the 1950s, we used to enjoy watching a mixed bag of crap. Nowadays, less so. Unless there’s a talent show element to it at least, such as American Idol, in which case we’ll watch crap forever.

Witness the Osbournes variety special – The Osbournes Reloaded – which Fox was extremely cockahoop about at the time, and which was meant to be the first of a series of six. Unfortunately, the premier was so mind-numbingly dreadful that the rest of them were never shown. Here’s a taste.

leno picSo now we’re getting Jay Leno, trying to salvage his post-Tonight Show glory.

I once received a phone-call from The Tonight Show, inviting me to be on as a guest. Somebody had dropped out, it was late in the day, and I lived close to their Burbank Studios. This was when I used to do handwriting analysis. One of Leno’s producers had seen me on The View, apparently, and thought I’d be fun. But first they needed me to do a quick audition please. “Sure,” I said. “Easy.”

I didn’t drive in those days, so I traveled to Burbank by bus. And I bet not many of Jay Leno’s guests ever did that!

When I arrived, I was taken into a small room by the producer who had me analyze her handwriting. The girl in question was a mess. She had huge emotional problems, I recall, and somehow it didn’t seem right or responsible, even for an audition, to make light of them. So I gave her a straight reading, which was pretty damn accurate, just not especially entertaining.

Midway through, the room darkens. This taller, older woman walks to the door, stands there with her arms folded, listens for five seconds, then blurts out “No” in a stern voices and strides away.

That was it. I was promptly shunted out, given a handshake – “Sorry.” – and told to leave. Clearly, I wasn’t Tonight Show material.

To make matters far worse, when I got home I took off my trousers and found a massive brown skid-mark down the back. Seems I’d sat in something on the bus! One of the many hazards of using the L.A. public transit system. Most times you spot it before you sit down; but sometimes you’re preoccupied with an audition and possibly appearing on The Tonight Show and you forget to look. Oh god. Nothing could have been more embarrassing. I’d walked around their offices, meeting people, saying hi, doing quick handwriting analyses for anyone who asked…and all the while I looked like I’d shat my pants. I still cringe even now.

Anyway, who knows if I’ll be invited onto Leno’s new show. Maybe that old bag who said no to my gifts before has retired now.

Of course, I don’t do handwriting stuff any more, but that’s okay. I have other talents. Yesterday, for instance, a producer emailed me, asking if I’d like to do the voice of the lead character in a cartoon for the web. A fun character. He’s a talkshow host. “The guy has a gun for a nose,” the producer explained, “and explosives for a chin….it’s called Gun Nose.”

Of course it is. What else?

I said maybe. But I’m not hopeful for it. Gun Nose? Really? Why on earth would a producer dream up a character called Gun Nose, then automatically think, “You know who’d be good for this? That guy who does reports on NPR. I forget his name…the idiotic one.” Weird. And a hoax, I’m sure.

In the meantime, take a look at the Time article. All very interesting. And don’t forget to watch when Jay invites me on his new show later this year as a guest. “Next we have a very funny and original man. Author, handwriting analyst, NPR contributor, and the voice of Gun Nose….Cash Peters.”

I thank you.

www.cashpeters.com

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