Last night I slept on a bed of nails. So you’ll forgive me if I keep this short.
I’d read in a yoga magazine about this thing called the Shaktimat, which is a sort of bath-towel with spikes sticking out of it, based on the old bed of nails used by Indian mystics in fairy-tales. And straight away I thought, “Oooh! I have to have one of those!”
Over 6000 sharp little angular prongs dig into your skin like needles. Imagine: the mat’s a bunch of forks, you’re a baked potato. The first time you lie on it the spikes are extremely uncomfortable, bordering on painful. And the second time too. And every time after that. I gingerly unrolled my back onto it and thought the bloody thing might puncture me like an old water bed, and the distributors and I would be locked in ball-busting litigation for the next two years, while doctors worked feverishly to seal me up again.
But no. Weirdly, that didn’t happen. Rather, I fell asleep on it.
According to the ad, the Shaktimat does wonders for problems such as sciatica, backache, teeth-grinding, tension, insomnia, trapped emotional issues and other things – none of which I have. But I thought, pah, who cares if I’m not sick – I still want one. Finding the prospect of sleeping on nails irresistible I had a Shaktimat shipped over from Sweden. It arrived yesterday.
Well, today, I’m reporting that it’s a great little thing. I had a fantastic night’s sleep. The sciatica and tension I didn’t have in the first place have now completely gone and I feel terrific. Thank you, Shaktimat, I love you, and will continue using you. At least until I start to deflate.