What if….? A reprise.

Last year, I posted a blog entry called What if…?, reflective of the melancholy mood that had me by the throat one day, prompted by the event of an upcoming solar eclipse.

Recently, this post has received a large amount of traffic, I notice, so I thought it might be timely to dust it off and give it a fresh outing. We live in a time of great transition and transformation. A lot of people, I suspect, are feeling this way. Maybe it applies to you or someone you know. If so, by all means forward it.

***

What if, one day, you woke up with a dangerous thought in your head? An unthinkable thought. A thought you’d never had before. A thought so different, so foreign, so far-removed from anything you’d thought previously that it is entirely possible you weren’t even the one who thought it? That it must – could only – have been planted there by someone – some thing, being, dimension – else.

suicideWhat if, one day, you woke up and, the second you opened your eyes, you found yourself thinking, “That’s it. It’s over. I’m done”?

You’ve tried for years, approached it from every angle, done your level best to make it work out, given it all you had, doing all of this in full expectation that, someday, if you just kept on trying, there’d be a pay-off; that someone would recognize your efforts and go, “My god, where have you been? I’ve been looking all over” and pluck you from the drudgery you’ve been toiling away at optimistically for two decades.

But it didn’t happen, did it? Even though it seems to happen regularly to other people, sadly it didn’t happen to you.

Not only that, but now there’s something else too.

Close on the heels of the first dangerous thought comes a second. An even more dangerous one. You realize all of a sudden that, oh my god, it’s never going to happen to you, is it?

Ever.

Not if you toil optimistically for the next twenty years as well.  Or for the twenty after that.

At some juncture in the past, not sure when, you took a wrong turn. Picked the wrong destiny. Followed a path that sparkled and promised plenty at the time, but which was faulty and turned out, after all the beans were counted and points tallied, to be a vast waste of time and effort. Too late, it hits you that the fantasy you fell for was a decoy. You were never meant to go down this path in the first place, which is why your efforts came to naught. Because it wasn’t your path. Like a prize idiot, you were trying to live somebody else’s dream, you just didn’t realize it.

And what if, after having thought the first dangerous thought and the second dangerous thought, and counted the beans and tallied the points, you realized finally the full extent of the – huge, massive, catastrophic – blunder you’d made and quickly reached a decision? Right there on the spot. A decision to do something equally as dangerous?

To change course. Too late? Why? And even if it is, what the hell!

To give up….

….quit struggling….

….quit hanging on, trying to make it work…

….to take your hands off the tiller…

…undig your fingernails from the future you were so certain was yours and which you’ve been clinging onto fruitlessly all this time, the way Titanic survivors clung to floating deckchairs…

….and just LET GO?

This week, there’s a penumbral full moon eclipse, the third of four this year.

eclipse

It’s not visible from the US, so don’t bother rushing outside to look, but it’s happening, trust me, and if you buy into the whole astrology thing, then you’ll know that this is a very powerful symbolic time for us all.

Such an eclipse signals important endings. Once-and-for-all, pay-the-piper type of endings. The kind we come to dread. The ones that tell you that your locomotive has run out of steam and shunted into the terminus; now it’s time to disembark and find a new train to a different destination. No fuss, no regrets. That’s just how it is.

I wonder how many other people are experiencing that feeling first hand right now.

What if it’s everyone?

In some form, in some way, in some aspect of their life? I’m just saying.

www.cashpeters.com

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