I went to bed last night feeling awfully guilty. I’d been watching Brian Williams’ splendid documentary about how Obama and his staff run the White House, and suddenly realized something important, not to say devastating. That successful people, the movers and shakers, the elite power-brokers in this world, don’t sleep in late, watch a lot of TV, and take long naps, the way I would do if I’d just been elected President – they actually work.
Without bunking off to go buy deoderant at the store or download movies from iTunes or to Skype friends and chat. It was quite an eye-opener and a whole new world. When did people at the top become so industrious all of a sudden?
Anyway, today, as a result, I woke at 5.15 and, instead of doing what I usually do at that time – roll over and go back to sleep ’til 8.30 – I sprang out of bed and got going. (Now, of course, it’s 7.50 and I’m worn out. But I’m thinking to myself, “What would Obama do?” He’d stay awake and write his blog. So that’s what I’m doing.)
Also, one of my friends in England emailed me with a problem. She’s got toothache. Bad, multiple kind of toothache, all down one side of her mouth. Everything hurts. And even though she’s paying her dentist a fortune, he can’t seem to pinpoint the problem.
Dentoskeptics might say, “But of course he can’t.”
As anyone who knows me will tell you, I don’t trust dentists any more than I trust doctors. We place way too much faith in their opinions and so-called expertise, in my view. And because we do, they exploit our goodwill and gullibility and pressure us into using their services.
My dentist, for example, spends a disproportionate part of his income on hookers in Vegas. I know this for a fact. And Vegas hookers don’t come cheap. I know that for a fact too – don’t ask me how. But to afford that kind of quality lay, my dentist needs to work almost as hard as Obama does. Which means he needs to find lots of mouth problems to fix.
Four years ago, I broke one of my teeth. On the left side here at the bottom. (I’m pointing.) The thing snapped in half while I was eating almond ice cream. It was very alarming, and left a huge black hole. Naturally, my dentist looked at it and pulled a face. “That’s terrible,” he said. “It’s going to take a lot of work to put that right.”
A lot of work, eh? Hm.
This would consist of several stages over a period of a year: extract the tooth; sew up the gum; repair the jaw with a bone graft; insert a titanium bolt; and prepare and fit an implant.
Total cost: $5,000. At 2005 prices! That’s…hang on, let me calculate…. my lord, that’s about 4.8 blow-jobs I’d be paying for right there.
Well, truth is, I was busy. So as a short-term measure, I told him to glue the broken half of the tooth back on for the time being, while I remortgaged my house. “You have three months,” he said, “before this gets serious and has to be treated, otherwise your jaw could snap.”
My jaw could snap????
At first I panicked. Then I came to my senses. Maybe he’s wrong, I thought. He’s only a dentist, after all. Maybe there are other ways to deal with the problem. Holistic ways he’s not telling me about, because they’re cheap and he’d make no money from them.
So, with the help of a friend I set about researching this, looking for alternative treatments. And we were surprised. We discovered a whole bunch of stuff that we’d never heard of before, stuff I’ll share with you here. Maybe some of it will resonate and you’ll start exploring this for yourself.
- Stress factors. The nerves in your teeth are directly connected to the various organs of your body. (“Your knee-bone’s connected to your thigh-bone…” – remember? Most dentists and doctors have to learn the lyrics of that song before they’re allowed to practice.) Everything in the body’s interrelated. So if you’re having gum or tooth problems, then it might be because of stress, worry, or other internal issues elsewhere that you need to fix before you start playing with your teeth;
- Killing bacteria. Decay and gum disease are caused by bacteria. So if you kill the bacteria, you kinda stop the decay dead in its tracks, right, and save the tooth? That makes sense to me. And…
- …what kills bacteria? Oh, all manner of things: ordinary baking soda, coconut oil, grapefruit seed extract, vitamin E in castor oil (from a bottle, rubbed on at night); and a little spray called colloidal silver (microscopically tiny particles that penetrate the pores and act like a nuclear blast to germs). It was worth a try anyway. So I started using all these methods in rotation.
- Proper cleaning. First off, I bought a Water Pic. Before I went to bed, I filled the reservoir with warm water and, on alternate nights, put in ten drop of grapefruit seed extract or a tablespoon of baking soda, then flushed out my gums, aiming the jet around the broken tooth especially, so that the healing water could penetrate the pores.
- Change toothpastes. I discovered that ordinary commercial toothpaste contains glycerin. What glycerin does is form a strong coating around the teeth to protect them. So strong is it, that it takes around 22 brushings to scrub it off again. Which sounds good, but apparently germs get trapped inside the coating, and these germs can cause tooth decay. Forgive me, but isn’t that the opposite of what you want? Suspecting a conspiracy within the dental industry to get more patients, I switched to Ayurvedic toothpaste, which is natural and doesn’t contain glycerin.
- Deal with emotional issues. Turns out that the tooth that snapped is directly related to the liver, and the liver is where your body stores residual anger. Seems that if you’re deeply angry about something, then the overflow could cause pain in the teeth and lead to root canals and decay. So I also started meditating and working on that.
- Swishing. Then there was oil-pulling, or swishing. See my post the other day. That kept my teeth ultra-clean and made them whiter.
And that was it.
Sounds like a lot, right? I guess many people would rather just hand over $5,000, make a horny dentist very happy, and get it over with. But not me.
In actual fact, I rather enjoyed experimenting. It’s highly empowering. Especially since, when I returned to have an X-ray three months later, it turned out that there was no visible deterioration in the tooth. And when I went back three months after that, the tooth had actually started to heal. My dentist was stunned. “But how?” he gasped, concerned that he might not be getting a decent blow-job again for a while. “What are you doing to it?”
When I told him, he just laughed. Thought I was crazy and said so. Coconut oil? Baking soda? Conspiracy? Ayurvedic toothpaste? And even if they did work, then he was pretty confident that most people were too lazy to go through such a rigmarole. Which is probably true.
Long story short: I’ve continued this regime of mine for four years now and I’m still fine. Not only do I not have a wretched implant in my mouth, but it would seem that the two halves of the broken tooth have somehow fused back together, because they’re still in there, stronger and healthier than ever. Plus, and best of all, I saved five grand.
Of course, everyone’s different. One size doesn’t fit all, so you can’t just duplicate what I did; you have to find what works for you. But who knows, somewhere in among these wild discoveries might be the seed of something important that will undermine our reliance on these money-hungry professionals in future and put the ball back in our court.
It’s what President Obama would do, I feel sure, if he had acres of time on his hands and wasn’t running a country and appearing in TV documentaries.
The NBC White House doc gets five magic carpets out of five.
TV Swami – he say YES.
Not read the disclaimer at the top of the page yet? Please do.