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Bigotry Lite

I know, before you say it – Carrie Prejean is a stupid, vacuous, delusional young woman. I was going to say bitch, but Perez Hilton beat me to it.

More than that:  a stupid, delusional, vacuous young woman whose show of outrage and cynical tears at a press conference yesterday was so preposterous that it made David Shuster on MSNBC want to vomit, and he said so.

Prejean has been brainwashed by the upbringing she keeps mentioning (and actually, with no trace of irony, seems quite proud of) into believing that God and the Devil are fighting inside her head. Inside her head, though. That’s what she told Focus on the Family’s religious nutjob leader Frank Dobson on his radio show, and she honestly believes it. God and the Devil chose the head of a glamorous, over-preened dimwit as their battle-ground to wage this particular stage of their eternal struggle.

And while they’re duking it out, fighting for supremacy – Satan’s using hateful gay people like Perez Hilton to get his message out there; God’s using Carrie herself –  God and the Devil are telling her things. Things only Carrie can hear, of course, but which she’s happy to interpret and relay to the rest of us who have the misfortune of not being completely bonkers.

God, for instance, is saying things like, “You – you of all people, Carrie – on April 19th, the day of the Miss USA Pageant, were chosen to be a role model for discrimination and division, and you need to get out there right now, little lady, and use your title as Miss California to spread as much unrest and  misinformation as you can and let the world know that “opposite marriage” is Satan’s work.”

Or something like that. I was too busy laughing to catch every word.

And to help her along, God got Sarah Palin to rush in and endorse Prejean’s brand of Bigotry Lite, as well as inspiring thousands of equally narrow-minded dimwits around the country to send her emails of comfort and support, convincing her she’d done the right thing.

And I have no doubt that, if this were the late 1800s, they’d be writing in to support her decision to back slavery as well.  

That’s why I believe that yesterday’s announcement by Donald Trump, the guy who owns the pageant, to let this twit keep her crown, despite a bunch of tits-and-ass-related lies and deceptions and rule-breaking that TMZ.com and others are claiming went into winning it, is a PR masterstroke.

Trump truly is a genius. I’ve never admitted that before. But after he managed to bring the tired old Apprentice franchise back from the dead and turn it into a smash hit again, and now this – well, I take my hat off to him. And I don’t even own a hat. So you can tell how much I admire the guy.

He’s such a total shrewdie. 

Having seen, I assume, that Prejean was heading for trouble. That she was destined to be a victim of her own dumb mouth and a national hate-figure. And possibly suspecting that her pre-packaged, all-American, natural blonde beauty hid within it a dark core of fear, ignorance, and prejudice that would appeal to millions of similarly misinformed Christians across the country, he leapt at the chance of having her as a figurehead within his organization.

His reasoning in a nutshell: “Hey, she’s cute. It’s the 21st Century. These things happen. Get over it.”

But that’s not, I believe. the real reason.

Why did he really bend over backwards to keep her in the game?

Because, like Sarah Palin, everywhere this girl goes from now on she’s going to be dogged by controversy. And any kind of controversy, as we know, is excellent for business. Donald’s business.

Starting yesterday, Prejean became an even bigger target. At every public appearance, she’ll no doubt be cheered by a few similar dimwits who share her views, while being jeered and despised for her ignorance by everyone else. David Shuster isn’t the only one who feels like vomiting when he hears this woman speak. Hell, I’ve never been an activist, but even I would turn up to an event to heckle Miss California.

Possibly foreseeing how this despicable drama might scotch the reputation of what has been, up to now, a fairly clean competition, Shanna Moakler, the pageant director, today resigned her post and walked off the stage. Good for her. At least someone has principles we can believe in. 

But the best thing of all – at least potentially – and here’s where Donald Trump really has himself a coup – maybe – is that the issue of gay marriage is currently rolling through the California Supreme Court. By June 3rd, we’ll know whether the judges have decided to overturn the cataclysmic Proposition 8, the anti-gay marriage, pro-hate move sponsored by the despicable Mormon Church, and allow equality for all.

Five states have already seen reason; California could be the next to go.

And if it does, we will witness the most deliciously ludicrous situation develop: one in which Miss California, prominent fool and vocal proponent of division and inequality, finds herself playing the representative of a state that completely undermines everything she stands for.

Oh dear almighty God – now she’s got me talking to him too – please, please, please make this happen, I beg of thee. 

To sum, up: the current state of play is this: Miss California has won the right to keep her crown, despite a whole bunch of tits-and-ass-related shenaningans. By June 3rd, gays in California may well win the legal right to get married finally. But…

The overall winner, whichever way the Supreme Court dice fall, is Donald Trump and his crummy Miss USA Pageant, another faded, forgotten hack tradition that he’s managed to turn around and make current and exciting all over again.

As I say, that man’s a genius.    

UPDATE: June 10th 2009. Carrie Prejean has finally been booted from her title of Miss California. 

This from the TMZ website:

Donald TrumpDonald Trump just told TMZ he gave the green light to fire “biblically correct” Carrie Prejean‘s award-winning butt because she just wouldn’t do the job and treated people badly.

Trump told us Carrie refused to appear at around 30 events on behalf of Miss California USA. He says Prejean was contractually bound to appear and she just wouldn’t do it. He doesn’t think her attitude has anything to do with her politics.

Trump said: “To me she was the sweetest thing. Everyone else — she treated like s**t.”

 

The Miss USA Pageant gets four magic carpets out of five. Carrie Prejean gets zero.

TV Swami – he say NO to bigotry.

www.cashpeters.com

There’s a great parody of Carrie’s ridiculous, two-faced speech on YouTube.

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Squeeze Joan Rivers and what comes out?

I think we may be done with Joan and Melissa Rivers. I’m speaking on behalf of all of us, I hope you don’t mind. But this pair of spoilt, attention-grabbing monsters, who last week contaminated Celebrity Apprentice in a way previously unimaginable, have mopped up the last few remaining drops of any goodwill I might have had for them, and now I wish they’d leave the stage. Turn, go. We’re done.

Melissa always seemed to me like an over-nurtured brat anyway, sheltering beneath the umbrella of her mother’s showmanship. Having apparently found that big-time comedic talent skipped a generation, she comes across as unnecessary, a superfluous human being, a celebrity we’ve squeezed onto the D-list as a temporary measure while we’re drawing up the E-list. She’s Joan Rivers’s daughter and crutch, and as such is favored and indulged by TV producers in ways she wouldn’t be if she’d just wandered in off the street – but isn’t that it? The sum total of the Melissa Rivers experience? 

Furthermore, the recent Apprentice episode in which she was fired showed a truly sour, unpleasant side to her character. A side I somehow knew would be there.

Things don’t go your way? Throw a tantrum. Outplayed by your opponents? Then storm off and curse and threaten and fuss and be thoroughly objectionable, so that all eyes are on you, milking the maximum amount of air-time out of your woes, simultaneously guaranteeing that viewers are going to like you even less than they did before.  

That said, her departure from the show was a highlight, for her outrageous display of childish petulance, but also, and mainly, because it made us realize that she’d finally gone. Phew. Quite a relief, that.

Joan, on the other hand – well, it’s hard to dismiss this woman so readily. If she is the tree-trunk of this relationship, then Melissa is a mere twig.

Joanie’s showbiz career has been nothing less than a  phenomenon. And she’s not done yet. By some miracle of determination she’s still going, still working, still creating, still selling, after…well, how old is she now? 200? I lose track. Of course she’s a laughing stock for all her ridiculous plastic surgery. Some genius with a scalpel has taken Joan Alexandra Molinsky, a rather ordinary woman from Brooklyn, born of Jewish Russian stock, and turned her Korean – that’s some feat. A Korean, moreover, who looks like she failed the audition for Jim Henson’s Dark Crystal.

And, oh sure, the scratchy voice sounds like it could give out any second, and the mind may not be as sharp as it used to be – I saw some of her later red carpet shows on E! and there were times when she appeared disoriented and hysterical. Though that could happen to any befuddled grandmother who wandered onto the set of a popular TV show and started assailing celebrities. Shortly after, she lost the E! show and moved to TV Guide Channel. Then this gig ended too. Honestly, I’m not surprised. If she could just shake off that albatross Melissa somehow, she’d do so much better, I think. 

However, all of this is entirely forgivable in my eyes when you’re an icon and still giving it everything you’ve got. 

What’s not forgivable is her “performance” on Celebrity Apprentice after Melissa got kicked off. That tarnished her image forever. On the one hand her brat of a daughter is darting about giving orders, rubbishing her fellow contestants, swearing, refusing to be interviewed, being a terribly bad sport. Meanwhile, on the other, her ma, a stiff-faced bullet with rigid hair, is lobbing mouth-grenades at poker player Annie Duke and Playboy Playmate Brande Roderick, the girls who dared defeat her daughter.

Voice almost breaking under the strain, she called Broderick a “stupid blonde” and yelled insults at Duke: “I’ve known your kind for 40 years in Las Vegas. You’re a Nazi and a piece of shit.” Or somesuch nonsense. Adding that, “poker players are trash.”

Then she quit the show altogether along with Melissa, though that may just be a display of trunk-twig unity for the cameras, a face-saver, mother hen protecting her wounded, disgruntled little chick, and we’ll see her return this coming week.

But how telling all of this is, and how much more we’ve learned about Joan and Melissa Rivers than we would from their resumes 0r any concocted PR blurb. In that sense, Donald Trump and producer Mark Burnett have done us a massive favor. They exposed mother and crutch for what they really are, stripping them down and laying them bare in ways that no amount of cosmetic tampering can ever hide or disguise. In so doing, by the way, they also secured a pick-up by NBC for the show which, having faced cancellation a while back, is now heading into its tenth season.

The spiritual guru Wayne Dyer asks: “What comes out of an orange when you squeeze it?” The answer of course is orange juice. Why? “Because it’s what’s inside.” Well, same goes for us. Anyone can be nice and cooperative and put on a decent front when things are going well. It’s when things go belly-up, when people are “squeezed”, that you really find out what’s inside. And so we witnessed with Joan and Melissa Rivers last week.

So much effort goes into the presentation with those two. Joan especially. But truthfully what’s the point? What is the point of striving so hard to be beautiful on the outside if all the while you’re ugly on the inside?

 

Celebrity Apprentice gets four magic carpets out of five.

TV Swami – he say YES.

www.cashpeters.com

Naked in Dangerous Places video. Click here.

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